Ways to rein in your inner Berserker
On these giants fell sometimes
such a fury that they could not control themselves, but killed men
or cattle, whatever came in their way and did not take care of
itself. While this fury lasted they were afraid of nothing, but
when it left them they were so powerless that they did not have
half of their strength, and were as feeble as if they had just
come out of bed from a sickness. This fury lasted about one day.
Saga of King Hrolf Kraki , written in Iceland late 1300s.
* * *
This post has come about from a combination of
sources: a great old Pink Floyd song title, a story I heard last week
that prompted some reflective thinking, and one of the best and least-known
models used in leadership coaching. Enjoy!
* * *
Berserkers then and now
Berserkers had
enormous impact in Dark Ages battles, on allies (... and cattle) as well
as enemies. Anger or fury give enormous energy, and behaviour that
has no regard whatever for third parties.
The berserker impulse
is still out there. A coaching client recently summarised her CEO as
having three behaviour modes: 'irritable, angry, and
incandescent'. Sounds familiar? Even though a key
leadership requisite is engaging positively with a broad range of
people and situations, attention and tolerance spans can become short
when the pressure is on.
So maybe we all have
a berserker lurking inside, particularly when taking on a leadership
role in stressful situations - which are the norm for leaders.
Below are approaches which may help you spot and rein in this inner
berserker, or maybe understand a colleague who tends this way.
A brief history of annoyance and what people do with it
Very few of us face
the kind of life-threatening situations that anger and fury
originally evolved to cope with. However we do face the modern
equivalent, 'identity-threatening' scenarios, as never before:
- disrespectful treatment: imposed change, stalled career movement, a pay freeze;
- threat: imminent failure of your proposal, business position, or policy initiative;
- unfairness and injustice: oppressive systems, culture or promotion prospects, most news on TV;
- provocation or suspicion: online 'imps' and 'trolls', colleague game-playing;
- all = difficulty adapting to a change in our situation, or in someone's attitude towards us.
The impact of anger
on the individual over time is well-documented: your body is gearing
up for a fight to survive a wrong that's been perpetrated against
you. Chemicals like adrenaline and noradrenaline surge through the
body.
People with the
highest levels of anger have twice the risk of coronary artery
disease and three times the risk of heart attack compared to subjects
with lower levels of anger [source: Kam].
Chronic anger may be more dangerous than smoking or obesity in
contributing to early death [source: Angier].
Expressing anger in
reasonable ways can be healthy. The other ends of the continuum are
problematic: explosive rage at others, harbouring suppressed rage,
even anger turned inwards which may fester, leading to unhealthy
coping behaviours such as self-harm, alcohol or substance misuse.
Having angry feelings
isn't the problem, it's what you do about them and how you express it
that matters. It varies by what's acceptable in the culture as well:
Some Asian cultures may experience anger in a milder way and for a
shorter time than Caucasian Europeans and Americans [source: Diong].
We don't have to
scare off sabre- toothed tigers, defend our territory from invaders,
protect our exclusive rights to our mate or demonstrate to others in
our group that we are still worthy of respect - or do we? Apart from
the sabre-toothed tiger, everything else is more or less still there.
IDEA 1: know what ticks you off and work on it
Used in coaching, Daniel Ofman's Core Qualities model is one of the most effective, simplest and at the same time least-known models for explaining what ticks you off in other people. It parallels the deep structure of Greek tragedy - the greatest strengths can bring with them some fatal flaws.
Pitfall = what too much of the core quality can lead to: when the strength becomes a weakness.
Challenge = a compensating quality which balances the pitfall (it doesn't make sense to deny your own best strengths, does it).
Allergy = what too much of your challenge would lead to ... and the opposite to your own core quality. Understandably, when seen in others, it triggers a negative reaction.
So if a key strength or core quality is decisiveness, the pitfall might be the risk of browbeating others into action, your challenge is to develop patience, and when you see people exercising extreme patience it bugs the hell out of you. More examples below, fill in the gaps:
Core
Quality
(this
is you all over)
|
Pitfall
(overdone)
|
Challenge
(balance
quality)
|
Allergy
(you
hate this)
|
perfectionist
|
faultfinder
|
more
tolerant
|
sloppy
|
helper
|
meddler
|
more
hands-off
|
laissez-faire
|
successful
employee
|
social
climber
|
a
bit more modest
|
total
hermit crab
|
romantic
|
hothead
|
more
balanced
|
completely
cold
|
observer
|
know-all
|
...
|
...
|
loyalist
|
slave
|
...
|
...
|
bon
vivant
|
party
animal
|
...
|
...
|
leader
|
dictator
|
...
|
...
|
mediator
|
busybody
|
...
|
...
|
As with the legendary Hawthorne experiment (link), just knowing that you have an issue you need to work on, can be enough to start making progress on it. It's worth a try: without a 'working
edge' to your ongoing development as a leader / person, it's very
easy to get into deep ruts.
As a development challenge, outstanding leaders
deliberately seek to broaden their range by engaging with people who
are 'different', even those whose ways they find irritating.
Difference after all generates far more potential than common ground
(look what follow-the-herd behaviour did for Enron).
A mentoring programme I ran a few years back across the Scottish Government featured top level leaders who, after experiencing a couple of mentoring partnerships, consistently asked to start being matched for difference rather than similarity.
IDEA 2: spot, channel or change it
Classic 'anger management'. John McEnroe is the outstanding example of channeling aggression during his championship-winning years. In the words of George Plimpton in Esquire at the time, "He's the only player in the history of the game to go berserk and play better tennis".
Channeled anger can be a catalyst for new behaviour, moving us out of old, self-defeating ruts.
It all depends on managing to take a mental time-out to identify the cause.
Then you can curious about what is generating this response in your life and put this information to good use.
Between stimulus and response there is a gap. By leaning to control your reactions and creating that gap, there's a much better chance of applying a bit of logic, replacing exaggerated and overly dramatic thoughts with more rational ones.
Origins of a low tolerance for frustration can include belief systems ("I should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance"), family background (disruptive, chaotic, lots of outbursts), or cultural norms (it's all right to express other emotions but not anger ... so, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively).
IDEA 3: cultivate the opposite qualities
This section is a bit Buddhist. A classic way to address the Five Hindrances (mental factors that hinder progress in meditation and in our daily lives) is to cultivate the opposite quality. So, in the case for example of ill will (vyapada), the advice is to do something kind and helpful.
This works in other arenas: for example when faced
with workplace cynicism and negativity, what better to do than focus
on positivity? This develops what Al Siebert called the Survivor
Personality (link) and over time, enhances long-term your resilience
in the face of challenge.
So, having observed a tendency to annoyance, try
doing something energising and positive. Even trying to do so will
radically reduce your chances of becoming like one of those
celebrities brought in to help present the 'Grumpy Old Men / Old
Women' TV series.
Perhaps the ultimate expression of this was the
Tibetan monk Palden Gyatso who was put in prison in 1959 for
resisting China’s overthrow of Tibet’s government., released for
brief periods for the next 33 years but spent most of that time in
prison. Once asked what he most feared during that time, he replied
that his biggest fear was losing compassion for his torturers. (link)
* * *
And finally ... the title refers to another Pink Floyd song, published in 1969 (link) also featuring in the final scene of Michelangelo Antonioni's masterpiece "Zabriskie Point" (1970).